Learn How To Recognize Your Child's Level Of Self-Esteem

When you make a conscious choice to insure that your kid's needs for belonging, uniqueness, power, and expression are truly being met, you will find some amazing changes occurring in a relatively short time.

It's never too late to start. Don't think for a minute that because your children are already teenagers, it's too late. That's simply not true. It's never too late to help change their self-image and to change the dynamics of the family.

When children feel good about themselves, it's like a snow-ball rolling downhill. They are continually able to recognize and integrate new proof of their value as they grow and mature.

They come to understand that they are in a process of developing and have realistic expectations of their capabilities, knowing that these capabilities will increase. And they are open to trying new experiences and taking the risks necessary to learn new skills.

Children with high self-esteem radiate an inner sense of security that is reflected in their actions. They are able to freely express their thoughts, opinions, and feelings, and can constructively work at solving problems.

The following two lists will give you an easy thumbnail reference that lets you assess the state of a child's self-esteem.

A Child With Self Esteem:

• is proud of his or her accomplishments.

• can act independently.

• assumes responsibility.

• can tolerate frustration.

• approaches challenges with enthusiasm.

• feels capable of taking charge of situations in his or her own life.

• has a good sense of humor.

• has a sense of purpose.

• can postpone gratification.

• seeks help when needed.

• is confident and resourceful.

• is active, energetic and spontaneously expresses his or her feelings.

• is relaxed and can manage stress.

A Child With Low Self-Esteem:

• plays it safe by avoiding situations that require taking risks.

• feels powerless.

• becomes easily frustrated.

• is overly sensitive.

• constantly needs reassurance.

• is easily influenced by others.

• frequently uses the phrases "I don't know" or "I don't care."

• is withdrawn.

• blames others for his failures.

• is isolated, has few friends, is preoccupied.

• is uncooperative, angry.

• is uncommunicative.

• is clingy, dependent.

• is constantly complaining.

• has a general negative attitude.6

Ask yourself, What kind of self-esteem am I building in my children and reinforcing in me? Spend time observing your children's behavior, and you will learn a lot about their internal self-image.

We can read the clues in our children in the same way we learn to read a road map. Watch and notice how they handle conflict, disappointment, and failure.

• Do they attempt to get their needs met directly?
  
• Do they take risks and try out new activities?
  
• Do they express their thoughts, feelings, and opinions openly?
  
• What are their peer relationships like?
  
• How do they handle rejection and competition?
  
• By observing these coping strategies, you will learn a lot about how your child feels about himself.